Why Christian Kids Rebel: Trading Heartache for Hope
Dr. Kimmel explores the reasons why 90% of children who are raised in an evangelical home rebel against their faith. With this type of statistic I can assume many parents are wondering why this is happened and those with young children in their home are wondering how they can avoid this rebellion. This is a question I think many parents ask themselves when a child leaves the church he or she was raised in.
Can this trend be avoided? Dr. Kimmel seems to think so and in his book he gives a “doable plan” for prevention of this trend in our homes.
The cause of rebellion: Kids in Christian Homes Rebel Because They are actually lost and Don’t Know Christ Personally. This is just one of seven causes of rebellion that the author discusses. This one stands out to me. It is the first cause he lists and I think it is for good reason. Children learn from a young age to go through the motions of Christianity without actually being Christians. Kids are rebelling against the motions of Christianity; once they are older we see that Christ is not actually Lord of their lives. Since they have never accepted Christ, the motions eventually come to be seen for what they are, simply motions. A profession of faith does not mean that a child is saved.
In the second chapter he discusses different types of parenting that lead to rebellion and then describes “grace based parenting”(which is also the title of one of his other books). He is trying to help parents strike a balance between rules and grace. Personally, I think finding this balance is very difficult but in the author’s opinion this is key to avoiding rebellious children.
I could barely read Chapter 4, “Lessons from the Italian Stallion”. Sorry, I’m not a Rocky fan so this was not an analogy that appealed to me. Maybe Dad’s will find this chapter more interesting. All the references to Rocky though made the point of the chapter lost in boxing translation.
Once you get past these foundational chapters he gets into different types of Christianity which is fascinating. He describes Compulsory, Cliché, Comfortable, Cocoon, and Compromised Christianity. This is really the meat of the book. As I read these chapters I would easily think of families that fell into these different categories and would think about how their children turned out. I think it is important as you read these chapters to be open to your own weakness as a parent. It is easy to read chapters that describe the problems of “others” without identifying the ways we personally fail in these areas. So be open-minded as you read about the different types of Christianity.
The author ends the book with messages of hope for hurting parents. I found his list of “Top Ten Things to Remember When Dealing with Rebellious Children” very practical. I love that the first thing is “Never underestimate the power of prayer.”
I think this book is worth the read. Like pretty much any parenting book there are parts I disagreed with, but the overall thrust of the book was well received. If you are the parent of a rebellious child or young adult I think you will find comfort in this book. If you are the parents of young or school aged children this book will give you some tools to help your children avoid rebellion.
“Perhaps your trek through the different corridors of this book not only picked up the echoes of your son’s or daughter’s anger but your own too.” This parenting book is about the kids but it’s about all of us and our own rebellious nature.
Fascinating. I always marveled that the WORST kids at school were the preacher’s kids. Little devils! My mom’s theory was that the parents were more focused on serving other families and taking care of others at the expense of their own.
i think your mom is right! it’s really not Biblical to forsake your family for “ministry”. Workaholics, even with the excuse of ministry, are still workaholics and that just isn’t good for children.
The book is really interesting whether you have kids or not.