Excused Absence {I hope}

I’ve been gone. I know. That makes me a bad blogger. I guess I take some solace in the fact that I blog because I feel like it. I blog for free, so I don’t feel much in the way of pressure to keep content going for advertisers. All that being said, I feel bad for not posting anything in about 3 months. Many things have contributed to my absence and I’m going to open up about a few of them.

1. Time. When I started blogging it was because I had hours to fill. Now that I have a husband back at home that has cut into my time. It’s been an adjustment. A good one, but an adjustment none the less. My youngest son goes to preschool only two mornings a week. I attend a Bible study on Thursday mornings which means I only have one 3 hour uninterrupted block of time a week. There are lots of “mom” tasks to catch up on during this time.

2. Women of Acts. This has been so much fun this past year! Not only did we raise quite a bit of money but the interaction with so many great businesses and ladies has filled me up with joy. I’m hoping we can have another event in the early spring. This not only takes time but it also takes focus.

3. Pressure. I have written a few posts which were not, um, well received. This was mainly because I discussed topics which make people uncomfortable. The pressure to write on topics which don’t ruffle any feathers is difficult for me. I want to speak the truth. My writing feels crippled when I cannot be transparent with you, the reader. This pressure to conform to the ideals of others sucks the fun out of blogging and the desire to put my heart out there is diminished greatly.

4. Low on hope. This is a biggie, probably the biggest. My hope has been on almost empty. My brain won’t reconcile why we struggled to get my husband through law school and he still does not have a job as an attorney. It’s has been hard to be positive when you see no result from three years of sacrifice. In an attempt to keep this blog positive I’ve held back sharing things because I didn’t want to be a Debbie downer.

5. Change. We (the hubs and I) have changed. One of the biggest results of this change has been a difficult, but necessary change in where we attend church. During this transition period it was hard to put words down as well. Again I felt transparency was impossible because I love many people at the previous church but couldn’t agree with them on some issues of focus. And I was really examining what is important in my life and home. I just couldn’t find a way to sanitize my feelings enough while maintaining honesty. So I wrote nothing.

And that’s where I’ve been.

But I’m back.

More to come on where I’m going.