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A Good Witch

August 20th, 2009


I love being in musical theatre. I’ve loved acting and singing from a young age. My parents would tell you that I got my first taste and love for the stage at the age of 2. It was my first time to sing with the little kids in the Christmas program. The Sunday School teacher put me on one of the back rows of the risers. Well once we started singing I pushed my way through the other kids to the front and stood below the mic and just held on to the bar and tried to sing right into it. My parents were mortified and I was in love.

So, now that I’m an adult I still like to think about acting and singing. On Sunday I always look at the audition section and think about what I would sing or what part I would want to be. I know, I have now shared another small piece of my weirdness with the world.

During my Sunday ritual a couple of weeks ago I noticed that there would be auditions for “The Wizard of Oz” with a local community theatre. I immediately thought I could be Glinda the Good Witch. Now that I’m a mother I thought I could really understand that role. Plus it’s a great part but not a main role. I figured I would have the time to do that. I also thought Ethan (4) could be a munchkin in the production and we could do this activity together. I had the perfect plan. After all these years of wanting to get back into musical theatre I knew this was my time to get back into the scene.

So this week I was excited to audition. I watched YouTube videos of the Good Witch and I was ready. Yet tonight before I was about to leave I started feeling like I wasn’t going to have the time to commit to it. I talked to Daniel (my husband) and he really thought I should go try out and see what exactly was involved. So I drove over there and I still just felt unsettled. I started to pray that the Lord would clearly open or close this door for me. It might seem silly to pray about something like a low budget community theatre play but that’s what I did.

I got there, filled out the paperwork and looked over rehearsal schedule.

Instant disappointment.

I knew I could not audition for this play because I cannot commit to the rehearsal schedule. I start to feel bad for myself. “Why do I have to be a work-week-widow?” Why can’t anything ever work out for me? Why can’t I do something that makes me happy?”

Self-pity was creeping in and taking over, and then I remembered my prayer. The Lord had shown me something clearly. Yes, the answer was “No” but it was still a clear answer. I wasn’t left wondering what to do. I wasn’t waffling in my decision. I knew what to do. The Lord heard me and He answered.

The verses from Ecclesiastes came to mind “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.”

This just isn’t the time for me. That doesn’t mean the time won’t come again, but that’s hard to keep in perspective when I’m disappointed. Yet it’s true. Life is in a constant flux of phases. I will probably be able to be in a play next year but I can’t focus on what might be. I have to enjoy the time that is today. I must redeem the time like it is a gift. There is no point in self-pity. It just makes me, well, pitiful. And who wants to live like that?

I won’t be playing Glinda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz, but maybe my kids won’t mind if I pretend to be the Good Witch here at my own personal Oz.

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Posted in Motherhood, Women

A Mother’s Glimpse of the Father’s Love

August 16th, 2009


God speaks of being our Father throughout Scripture. He is truly our Lord and Master but more than that Christ calls Him “Father’. As a child I used to think of my parents and how they loved me. As the recipient of their love I valued them. Yet my small gestures were nothing compared to what they did for me. They provided everything essential. They also filled my childhood with memorable experiences. As a child I think you expect this from your parents. You grow up and they do these things for you from the start of your life until you move out. So I kind of thought of God this way. Yes I knew He loved Christ but I kind of thought it was obligatory. Then I had kids.

Yes a parent is obligated to care for their children but the love you feel for your child is something very different. As a mother you have an overwhelming desire to care for and love your children. This makes the acts we do for our kids much more than obligatory in nature. It makes those actions come from our hearts.

So this gives us a truer picture of God’s love for Christ. He did not just send Christ down to do a job. It was difficult. Can you imagine your child sitting in a garden on the last night before they would be betrayed, beaten, and killed and asking you to spare them from this torment? It would be pure agony for me as a mother to allow that to happen to my son. Even though it was what they are created for. I would still want to save him.

Imagine the torture of watching your child being abused and then taking all the sin of the world on Himself, and because of God’s holiness He must turn His face away. It’s would be true horror to a parent.

As mother’s, I know understand the explanation of a father and His child. It is a human relationship that parents can completely understand. The Bible repeatedly uses familial terms to describe relationships between God and His creation. Think about marriage. Paul tells us it is like Christ and the church. God is the Father and Jesus is His Son. It is one of the unexpected gifts of motherhood. We see Christ as God’s son and it gives a new wonderful appreciation for what has been given to us.

It is truly one of the gifts of Motherhood!

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Posted in Love, Motherhood

Words for Young Mothers: Let God Have the Control

July 13th, 2009


Many of my friends are having babies or are first time mothers. This has caused me to reminisce about my experiences as a new mother. There were so many new responsibilities that I felt completely overwhelmed. Add to the reality of those responsibilities, out of control hormones, and sleep deprivation, and you get one crazy lady! Yet even in this whirlwind of craziness I had great joy with my new son.

One of the biggest mental obstacles I’ve had to face as a mother is relinquishing the control of my children to God. I am a control freak. I was born the boss, yet even though I want to control everything, I simply cannot control everything that happens with my kids. The first couple of weeks at home with Ethan I would not sleep at all during the night. I was scared Ethan would get sids. This fear was exaggerated since the only way he would sleep was on his tummy and the Dr just scared me to death about letting him sleep that way. So for endless nights I would lie in bed awake and then go check on him incessantly.

One night as I was laying there freaking out, I realized something; I am not in control when we have to sleep. Yes, I need to be prudent and aware but I have to sleep and so does Ethan. So I began to meditate on Scripture. One verse that was a comfort to me was “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” God cares about my children more than I do, and ultimately He is in control. God knows more about them and cares about them in every way. He will protect them. This is a hard one for Mom’s. Children are our responsibility and we take it seriously as we should. However this care we give our children should not be overcome with fear for their well-being.

Having children gives women a glimpse at the Father’s love for His Son. Imagine how much you love your child and care for him, and then multiply that times infinity and you would have just some of God’s love for His children. Entrust your little ones into the hands of the Almighty. He will care for them in the best possible way.

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Posted in Love, Motherhood

Earth Day: a literal view

April 22nd, 2009

I am not much of an outdoors woman. However I appreciate God’s creation and believe we should be good stewards of it. Today when Ethan asked if he could wear green for Earth day I found a green shirt for him and Micah. So while I encourage the idea of being good stewards of God’s creation, I do not play outside very often. I hate mud. I hate dirt. I have never liked to be dirty and I don’t think I ever will. Tonight though, I was destined to be dirty.

I sent the boys outside to play while I cooked dinner. I threw a pizza in the oven and was doing some general cleaning work in the kitchen. I saw the boys were playing nicely but then saw them going over to a muddy area of the yard. I instructed Ethan not to get into the mud because I did not want a huge mess right before dinner. He said “Ok” and I went back inside.

I guess his agreement with my command was just words because a few minutes later I see Micah covered in mud. Ethan has some mud on himself as well.

I was hoppin’ mad! “There will be no dessert or cartoons tonight! Get in here!” I hollered at them.

Of course then I had second thoughts as they got closer to the door, I couldn’t let that mess into the house. So I had them stand on the patio while I ran up the stairs to retrieve the towels. At this point Micah is crying because he has mud in his eye but has nothing clean to wipe it with because he is covered.

So I take off all their clothes in the backyard (we have a privacy fence so no one could see) wrapped them in towels and went upstairs to the bathroom. On the way I do think to turn the oven off in hopes that dinner will not be completely ruined. I started Micah in the tub but I could not get the mud out of his hair so I had to go to plan B which included me getting into the shower with him.

I am really upset at this point. Why would these kids disobey me? Don’t they understand what No means? Why am I failing as a mother? Now my dinner is going to be ruined!
As I am getting Micah redressed the thought occurs to me, this is not personal against me. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child” This is childish behavior and has very little to do with me. Yes, I need to teach them to obey but they are kids and kids get muddy.

This thought progressed to my relationship with the Lord. Paul tells us in Philippians that “He humbled himself”. God came down to our level in human flesh. I have wronged him in far worse ways than my children wronged me this evening. Yet He does not yell at me. He doesn’t look down his nose and me and say “How could you?” Instead He teaches me over and over again the right thing to do. He is full of love, mercy and grace. These are things I need to show my children. Yes, discipline is necessary but I need to show love, mercy and grace to my children just as Christ showers me with these everyday.

In the end, I made the kids a peanut butter sandwich to make up for the burned up pizza and drove myself out for some fast food. We had a nice evening and the kids went to bed without any issue. Hopefully I’m starting to learn my lesson in grace and the kids are starting to learn their lesson in obedience.

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Posted in Grace, Love, Motherhood

Love in Relationships

September 20th, 2008

Relationships are the often the greatest blessing in our lives. Husbands and wives, parents and children, friends, these are all part of our life’s primary focus. I remember vividly those first moments of connection when I first started dating my husband. My children’s first smiles. Some of the best memories I have are the ones where I ran around crazy with good girlfriends.

The opposite is also true of relationships; they also cause the deepest pain. It was devastating when my husband I had our first real disagreement. The shock I felt the first time my son deliberately disobeyed me. Broken bonds of friendship that were not easily repaired. Relationships bring real sorrow and disappointment.

I began thinking about relationships this week after studying Genesis. While God is the Holy Creator of the universe, He is also described as our Father. God’s attribute as Father came alive to me as I studied these first passages in Genesis. Consider first the way God made people. He did not command from Heaven that people exist, although He surely could have. Instead he came down to the Earth He created and lovingly created Adam. Once God created Adam, He wanted him to have a companion, and again He carefully and purposefully created Eve. From the beginning God loved people. It was a relationship He created and valued.

In this wonderful relationship, heartache came because of sin. Just like our relationships today, sin is what causes break in our relationships. Selfishness, pride, hate, anger, jealousy, and the list can go on and on. The point is that sin harms relationships. And so, as we do today, sin caused a break between God and His creation. God could have, quite justly, destroyed Adam and Eve immediately. He does not, in fact God does not insantly come down and accuse them of sin. He asks them “Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” God knew what they had done, yet chose to ask them, what love. I wish I could learn to always speak kindly even when someone has wronged me. While God is just and righteous and cannot tolerate sin, He shows love when dealing with His children.

He takes them out of the Garden and with grace shows them his unconditional love, and the remedy for their sin. God knew that he would have to ultimately send His Son to redeem us, but was willing to make that sacrifice because of His perfect love.

It is my hope that when as women when our husbands, children or friends hurt us, or we hurt them, that we remember the most important relationship of all. The one we have with our Father in Heaven.

God is not only our perfect example of love, God is Love.

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Posted in Love, Marriage, Motherhood

Remembering 9/11…

September 11th, 2008

Seven years ago America changed forever. Never again would we feel completely secure in our nation. The safety we felt for decades was gone. We became tragically aware that people living and enjoying the luxuries of this country actually hate it and wish to destroy it. The country that once felt invincible, was suddenly quite vulnerable.

The truth is that from the beginning of nations, there has been conflict. The United States was attacked and while it is tragic, it is not new.

When you read the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, it becomes very clear that times of peace and war were in constant flow. Where good exists, evil wishes to destroy it. After these conflicts God’s people would build an altar at times to remember what happened. It seems to me to be much like the memorials we build today. The people of Israel, even when they were in sin, would endure the difficulty and eventually turn their hearts to Lord for their salvation. They realized that the evil was greater then themselves and they would turn to the only One who can destroy evil forever.

In Deuteronomy, Moses instructs parents to remind their children of the difficult times in Egypt so they appreciate the peace and happiness they enjoy. As parents we should remember the attacks on our country and do our best to impress those things into the minds of our children.

While our country’s leaders can make the best decisions possible, and aggressively try to fight evil, they cannot stop evil from existence. The difference is that those of us who were around on September 11, have had a personal experience with what terrorism can bring.

When I think of the events of that day I am motivated to impact the world I in which I live. I think of the souls that were lost. All who died were separated from their earthly families, but many separated from God for all eternity. In a moment they were gone and forever lost. Who we influence today for Christ has an eternal impact. We must not miss these opportunities to share the Gospel with those around us.

I’m also motivated to be involved with my community and country. One thing we all have is time. Time to speak against evil and promote good. We must not allow evil to triumph while we remain quietly on the sidelines. Moses told the Pharaoh to let the people go. Samuel told David of the wickedness in his life. Esther told Ahashuerus of the planned annihilation of her people. They are biblical examples of people who the Lord used to change societies and leaders back to Him.

I am grateful to live in the United States, where I am free. Where I can write or speak of the Lord with no fear for my life. It is not only a blessing from the Lord, but a gift.

Redeeming the time because the days are evil.

Thankful that God’s word is true — Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice: and let men say among the nations, The LORD reigneth.

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Posted in Influence, Motherhood

Jepthah and His Daughter

August 6th, 2008

In the previous blog post I discussed Jepthah and his faith, and whether that should be his legacy in Scripture or not.

I want to go ahead and finish discussing this story. After Jepthah makes his vow, the Lord delivers the Ammonites into his hand. After the Ammonites are defeated he heads home and his daughter, his only child, comes out to meet him. She is thrilled, dancing, excited at the victory her father has had. Can you imagine the pride she felt for her father? Her pride and excitement result in Jepthah’s utter despair. As he tears his clothes he tells his daughter the reason for his grief “For I have opened my mouth to the LORD, and I cannot take back my vow.”

The daughter’s response is amazing. She seems to quickly and easily respond to her father’s news “My father, you have opened your mouth to the LORD; do to me according to what has gone out of your mouth, now that the LORD has avenged you on your enemies, on the Ammonites.” I see a true fear of the Lord in this girl, she does not question her father’s vow, she accepts it. She also wants her father to fulfill his vow because the Lord had been faithful to him and given him the victory.

I think this exchange shows two things about Jepthah and his daughter. First of all, I think it shows that Jepthah was a faithful parent. He had taught his daughter a true fear of Lord, so much so that she does not seem to hesitate at her fate. She seems to share his faith completely. I do not think she quickly agrees to give her life to the Lord because of fear of her father but because of a true fear of the Lord, what an example of good parenting.

Secondly, it shows a daughter who was willing to do anything for the Lord who had saved her people. While she still mourns her fate, she comes back willingly to be made a sacrifice to the Lord. She doesn’t whine and say “Dad! How could you do this to me!” If I’m truly honest, that’s what I would have said. That is not her attitude, she accepts that this was the deal made between her father and the Lord. I wonder if I am instilling a real love and fear of the Lord in my children. I believe the only way we can expect to have children who live in the fear of the Lord is if we do so ourselves. I can see areas in my own life where I am falling short in this area. As parents, we have the important task of modeling faithfulness, love, and fear of the Lord to our children.

There is some debate as to whether Jepthah’s daughter is actually killed, or just placed in service to the Lord for the rest of her life. I don’t think it matters how her sacrifice was fulfilled. We know that Jepthah made a vow and that he kept it, that’s enough information for me.

I appreciated David and Diane’s feedback about Jepthah. I think they both made wonderful points and it was great to hear from them!

Ultimately, I think I now have a better understanding of Jepthah and his daughter. Jepthah was a man of faith who raised a daughter with great faith. While the lesson about hasty vows made to God is good, I don’t think his vow should be Jepthah’s legacy. I believe the overall truths we can learn from Jepthah’s life is that faith in the Lord and fear of the Lord are necessary to a life fully used by the Lord.

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Posted in Bible Study, Faith, Jepthah, Motherhood

Deborah: God’s Choice for Leadership

July 14th, 2008

There are times when the Lord chooses to use women in positions of leadership to accomplish His will.

We find Deborah in the days when judges ruled Israel. After the death of Joshua the people of Israel turn to wickedness. They worship false gods and turn their back on God and His commandments. Consequently the Lord gives the people to foreign lands and nations because of their sin “Then the LORD raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them… Whenever the LORD raised up judges for them, the LORD was with the judge, and he saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge.” ( Judges 2:11-16)We see the Lord work through the judges He chose to use to answer the prayers of His people.

In Judges 4 we see the oppressive enemy of Israel, Jabin of Canaan. During this period, Deborah was the judge in Israel. The Bible tells us that she was a prophetess and that she was married to a man named Lappidoth. It is interesting to me that the Bible does not tell us what her husband did, or if he had any part in ministry or politics at all. This was her specific calling and task. I have read and heard other people state that the reason God used Deborah was because there weren’t any good men. That theory just does not hold water for me. If the Lord specifically chose whom to lift up as the leader, He could have given power to a man. God chose Deborah because He wanted her for this task.

As the story progresses, she sends for Barak. She is aware of what God has called him to do, yet he is hesitant and fearful. After all, Jabin and Sisera were cruel and evil enemies, it was natural to fear them. However, Barak’s faith in God was weak, and he makes a deal with Deborah that he will obey God if she will go with him. I’m convicted when I read this. I think I could have been like Barak; even though the Lord’s command to him was clear “Go, gather your men at Mount Tabor, taking 10,000 men from the tribes of Naphtali and Zebulun? And I will draw out Sisera, the general of Jabin’s army, to meet you at the river Kishon with his chariots and his multitude, and I will deliver him into your hand?” Even though the Lord had promised him victory he was still hesitant. It’s the same way for us today. The Lord has given us promises in His Word, and given us the Holy Spirit to guide us. Yet when His will is clear in our lives, we often let our flesh rule, and allow our fears to keep us from His plan.

Deborah agrees to go with Barak on the condition that Sisera will fall by the hand of a woman. So they go gather the 10,000 men and head to Mount Tabor. Here we see some more of Deborah’s personality coming through when she exclaims to Barak “Up! For this is the day in which the LORD has given Sisera into your hand. Does not the LORD go out before you?” She was the motivation behind Barak’s follow-through. Even though I’m not a ruler of anything, motivating others to a task is a job women commonly participate in. I cannot go to school for my son, learn to read for him, do his homework, or play with his friends, but I can motivate him to get busy! As mothers we cannot do the work for our kids, but we can go with them, and help them along the way.

Of course the Lord kept His promise to Barak, “And the LORD routed Sisera and all his chariots and all his army before Barak by the edge of the sword…and all the army of Sisera fell by the edge of the sword; not a man was left.” The Lord had the victory in this battle, and used Barak and Deborah to do His will.

What challenges are you facing today that seem overwhelming? Do you have an enemy who you feel is waiting to attack? If you are struggling with some pain or fear, look to the Lord for help. Read His Word, pray and live in His strength.

Maybe you are a Deborah, and you need to influence or motivate someone around you. When words of encouragement for someone are in your heart and mind, say them out loud. If the Lord has called you to encourage someone else in their task, do not fail to do His will.

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Posted in Deborah, Influence, Leadership, Motherhood, Prayer and Fasting, Women

Grandma

June 18th, 2008

I’m going to delve into the personal once more and then hopefully move back to the purpose of my blog. I decided it was necessary that I speak of my Grandma. The stroke she suffered last Sunday, took her life 3 days later. It has been devastating for me and my family. We shared a special bond that will never be duplicated. Even in death her life was a testament to the power of prayer. She had prayed two things in regard to her old age and death; one was to keep her mind. You know, she never lost her mind. On Monday after her stroke she was talking with us just like she always did, and even remembered her friend’s phone numbers. That was a gift from God and a true answer to prayer. Her other request was that she die in her sleep, and that is exactly what happened. She fell asleep and never woke up. The Lord heard her prayers and answered them. While I have peace that she is with the Lord, I am still feeling the pain that she is not here with me. I already miss her laugh, her smile, and her wit. She was a treasure.

The message that her pastor gave at her funeral really spoke to my heart. He compared her to the virtuous woman, and while I’m sure she would tell you that she wasn’t virtuous, her life lined up with that passage perfectly. I don’t think this was probably recognized in her day to day life, but the daily decisions she made added up to a virtuous legacy. She would not take credit for her work, but would give credit to the grace of God. I think that’s they way it is for most Christians. Most of us will never be powerful leaders in the Christian world, many of us won’t be in full time Christian work, but we still have the same opportunity to have an indisputable reputation as a child of God. Our life’s testimony is measured by our love of the Lord and our faithfulness to Him. It became so clear to me that her spiritual stature was not because of one amazing deed, but the culmination of small choices to live her life for the Lord.

One example that came to mind was my Grandma’s work ethic. In her lifetime she worked for the war effort, owned her own beauty parlor, volunteered as a pink lady at the hospital, and dedicated countless hours to her church family. Her reputation was solidified by years of hard work. Her daily choice to be faithful in the use of her time added up to a reputation of faithfulness.

When I think of her it makes me evaluate my own life. Am I building a life that will be remembered for good and not evil? Am I faithful in the small things? Those seemingly small choices to do good and be faithful create a successful Christian life in the eyes of God.

I am thankful for a Grandma who not only told me how to live a righteous life, but showed me by her example. While I am very sad for me, I am happy for her. She is enjoying the eternal rewards of a life well lived by the grace of God.

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Posted in Loss, Love, Motherhood, Wisdom, Women

Legacy of Love

June 9th, 2008

When I started this blog I never intended to share a lot of personal stories, but recently the events in my life have been so closely linked with the spiritual that I’ve found it appropriate to share them.

I spent last night in the hospital, unfortunately it seems we just cannot stay away from them. Last night after church my Grandma had a massive stroke. Even though my Grandma is 85, it’s still devastating to watch someone you love and has loved you so much be incapacitated so completely. She just doesn’t look the same, even though she still knows who I am, she is debilitated to the point that “normal” will never exist again. As I was watching her last night I was thinking of portrait of unconditional love she has been in my life. She has loved me constantly no matter the situation; now that I’m older I realize that kind of love is rare.

While I was sitting in the waiting room, I began to think of the love of my mother. She was the one who called the ambulance, held my Grandma’s hand, and has made all the tough decisions. Yet I don’t think this is the complete picture of her love. Many people swoop in to help in a time of crisis. While my mother has been a present during every problem, she has shown her love to my Grandma in a consistent daily way. Caring for an aging parent is somewhat similar to a caring for a child, it is just much more difficult. Those of you who have cared for a parent understand this. With a child you discipline them, you can pick them up and carry them where they need to go. It’s a lot of work to care for a young child, but you generally get a good return on your investment, an adult child you can watch mature and grow. As you care for an aging parent, you pour your life into them like a child, but you do not have the same return on your time. Instead of watching a life begin fresh, you are watching one end. Even if the parent is saved, the process and result are heart-wrenching and time consuming. Through wathcing my mom care for my Grandma, I have seen real love displayed. She is my human example of 1 Corinthians 13.

Mom has been patient when my Grandma has been sick or just in a bad mood. She has waited for her as she tried on clothes in the dressing room , or wanted to read long forwards in her e-mail.

Mom has been kind to my Grandma in every way. Mom has driven her to visit her friends for her birthday. She has taken her on trips to visit things my Grandma wants to see.

Mom is never jealous of the attention my Grandma gets. I think at times it is hard to be the caretaker for someone because you are often overlooked for your efforts. Mom has never seemed bothered by her lack of attention.

Mom has never been rude to my Grandma. Even though my mom has assumed more of a caretaker mode, she still treats my Grandma with the respect she deserves as her mother.

Mom has put off many plans and aspirations to take care of my Grandma. My Mom loves to be involved in church but has put that somewhat on the backburner to make Grandma a priority. My Mom loves to travel, and was supposed to be on a trip this weekend, but she did not go because she knew my Grandma wasn’t feeling well. Mom has been selfless.

Mom has not become angry when things have not gone her way. She has put it behind her and moved on with her day.

Mom has bore all my Grandma’s burdens and done her best to help. Mom has believed in God and hoped for the best with my Grandma. She has maintained a positive attitude. She integrated Grandma into her world, she did not expect my Grandma to change to make her life easier. My Mom has endured all hardship because she has made the daily choice to love.

I could say the same kinds of things about my Grandma, because she has passed on a legacy of true love to my Mom.

Today the promise of Proverbs 31 has been fulfilled for my mother:

Her children rise up and call her blessed

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Posted in Love, Motherhood