So where does this leave the wife and children who are beaten and abused? Does the Bible say anything to them?

I believe He gives some instruction through the story of Abigail.

Conflict and Chaos

Nabal was a wealthy and powerful man. He owned land, three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. David, once a lowly shepherd, is now anointed King of Israel. While he was in Nabal’s land he and his band of men had helped protect the sheep and servants. In those days there were not corner markets to get food and supplies. People were dependent on the kindness of strangers.

It was an egregious affront to David when Nabal begain to hurl insults at him and refuse to help him and his army. David is infuriated and decides to kill Nabal and all his men.  Yikes!  What David plans to do shocks us, but it would not have been shocking given his culture.

Enter Abigail. She is a beautiful and strong woman. The servants come and plead with her to do something so they are not all annihilated. Obviously, these servants and people knew what kind of man Nabal was and went directly to Abigail to make her aware of the situation. She leaps to action and gathers breads, wine, and meat to try to change the mind of this man who would kill her people. She does not ask her husband. She just protects her people.

Wait a minute!

Isn’t she supposed to be submissive in all things? Isn’t she supposed to say “lord, lord,” like Sarah? What Abigail does seems to fly in the face of that teaching.

I assure you it does not. Women I beg you. I am pleading with you. If there is a man in your life who is going to harm you or your children you must do the Biblical thing.

Stop him.

Submissive in Spirit

Here are a few reasons to think about what Abigail does and the motivation behind it.

1.       She knows her husband well. She does not doubt what the servant tells her because she knows her husband’s pattern of behavior.

2.       She leaps into action. She gathers food for David and rides down to meet him herself.

3.       She asks for protection for her family.

Abigail has done what was necessary to protect her people, but the story does not end there.

She goes back home and in the morning tells her husband what she has done. I think that is clear evidence of a submissive heart. The Bible does not tell us that she yells and screams at him. She does however communicate the details of the day.

Abigail remains in a submissive spirit even to her foolish husband. Certainly in our day and age of constant communication it would be simple enough to give an explanation of why you left and won’t come back until he gets help in a safe environment.

Protected and Blessed

God protects Abigail. As she tells her husband his heart fails and he turns to stone. Nabal would never again harm her or her family. When he dies 10 days later she is left a widow. In our culture being left a wealthy widow is sad but not financially devastating. She can go on and live in a financially comfortable state. That is not the case in this culture. All property and wealth has to be held and go through a man.

By marrying Abigail, David protects her from this most sure ruin. As much as I find myself cringing at the idea of him having more than one wife, it was an act of kindness on the part of David.

I am in no way saying that if you leave an abusive husband, the Lord will immediately punish him and you will be destined to marry a king.

I am saying that if you are forced to leave an abusive husband, God will take care of you. He will not forsake those who protect children.

So, now that I’m an adult I still like to think about acting and singing. On Sunday I always look at the audition section and think about what I would sing or what part I would want to be. I know, I have now shared another small piece of my weirdness with the world.

During my Sunday ritual a couple of weeks ago I noticed that there would be auditions for “The Wizard of Oz” with a local community theatre. I immediately thought I could be Glinda the Good Witch. Now that I’m a mother I thought I could really understand that role. Plus it’s a great part but not a main role. I figured I would have the time to do that. I also thought Ethan (4) could be a munchkin in the production and we could do this activity together. I had the perfect plan. After all these years of wanting to get back into musical theatre I knew this was my time to get back into the scene.

So this week I was excited to audition. I watched YouTube videos of the Good Witch and I was ready. Yet tonight before I was about to leave I started feeling like I wasn’t going to have the time to commit to it. I talked to Daniel (my husband) and he really thought I should go try out and see what exactly was involved. So I drove over there and I still just felt unsettled. I started to pray that the Lord would clearly open or close this door for me. It might seem silly to pray about something like a low budget community theatre play but that’s what I did.

I got there, filled out the paperwork and looked over rehearsal schedule.

Instant disappointment.

I knew I could not audition for this play because I cannot commit to the rehearsal schedule. I start to feel bad for myself. “Why do I have to be a work-week-widow?” Why can’t anything ever work out for me? Why can’t I do something that makes me happy?”

Self-pity was creeping in and taking over, and then I remembered my prayer. The Lord had shown me something clearly. Yes, the answer was “No” but it was still a clear answer. I wasn’t left wondering what to do. I wasn’t waffling in my decision. I knew what to do. The Lord heard me and He answered.

The verses from Ecclesiastes came to mind “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.”

This just isn’t the time for me. That doesn’t mean the time won’t come again, but that’s hard to keep in perspective when I’m disappointed. Yet it’s true. Life is in a constant flux of phases. I will probably be able to be in a play next year but I can’t focus on what might be. I have to enjoy the time that is today. I must redeem the time like it is a gift. There is no point in self-pity. It just makes me, well, pitiful. And who wants to live like that?

I won’t be playing Glinda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz, but maybe my kids won’t mind if I pretend to be the Good Witch here at my own personal Oz.

The grace and peace Paul mentions in his epistles is for the grace and peace only Christ can give. He wanted these blessings in the lives of the New Testament Christians. It is not necessarily an exhortation to live peaceably, because he specifically addresses this need in his books. This is for the spiritual well being of the individuals. I think this is where peace in relationships starts. If there is no peace in our own spirits, then how can we be peacemakers? It would be impossible. Peace in our hearts is possible because of the Holy Spirit. It is a gift to pray for and receive peace from the Lord, but we can also pray this blessing on our friends. So often we pray for God to take pain away or heal hurts, yet we do not ask proactively for spiritual growth. This is something Paul does consistently, and we should as well. Pray for peaceful spirits for your friends and family. You will bless them.

As women we are admonished in 1 Peter 3 to focus on our spirit instead of our outward appearance. This is tough because it is hard not to be caught up in the outer shell of people. It is something we are warned about in Scripture, yet I think for most women this tends to be a struggle. When I was studying peace within my spirit, I was surprised when I read 1 Peter 3 and found that in being modest in our spirit that we are also to have a quiet spirit. The definition of that word quiet is peaceable or tranquil. Women are instructed to be peaceable in their nature. I find myself thinking ” are you talking to me?” Sometimes as women it is difficult to have a spirit that is truly peaceful in Christ. We are around the chaos if little kids, dating relationships, marriages, work. There is a lot on our plates and our spirits are easily riled up. It is so much easier to dress up the outward appearance instead of working on our hearts. However this is the area that needs our attention. It is what God sees in us.

I encourage those who read this to take the time to pray for a spirit of peace for yourself and for others.

Even in the beginning of the Bible, Eve was deceived and Adam chose to sin with full knowledge of what he was doing. Again, we see the great influence of a wife over her husband. It was Adam’s choice, but Eve’s influence led him in the path of sin.Esther was a very influential wife. She could not make decisions independent of her husband, but she did influence him for good. She prayed, she fasted and the Lord used her influence to save his people. Now, Ahaseurus was not a godly man, but he was a man who was blessed to have a godly wife. She used her influence for good.

In the New Testament the Christian wife is instructed to try to win her husband to Christ through her godly example. Paul gives this command specifically to women. I believe Paul was very in tune with the power a wife has over her husband. Have you ever really contemplated the fact that it is just through her godly conduct that her husband would be won to Christ? It doesn’t say she was to force him to pray or read the Bible. She was to be a Godly wife, submissive, respectful, and loving. The husband is to be won by her lifestyle. That is an incredible ministry and responsibility that every woman married to an unsaved man has.Why does this matter to me as a wife? Isn’t this a man’s concern? These warnings about strange women are to men. Men are to beware of ungodly, adulterous, and idolatrous women. The reason it is of interest to me is that if ungodly women had such a dramatic impact, wouldn’t a godly woman have a dramatic effect in a positive way? As a woman I can take my responsibility to be a good influence seriously. It is sobering to think that my influence as a woman has such a distinct influence on my husband. My sin and attitude impact him greatly. While a woman should not make decisions for her husband, she should be constantly aware that her attitude is shaping her husband’s opinion about life and choices he must make.

There are different types of women. There is no way I could list them all in this short essay, but consider the following types of women.A whiny woman, the one who complains all the time about money, her life, and other people is a drain on her husband. Through her attitude she is telling her husband that she is discontent, and he is to blame. She may not think that her actions have that effect, but indeed they do. She brings her husband down, and then they are both brought low. I don’t know of anyone who makes wise decisions while they are whining or listening to a whiner. A discontented woman is usually selfish, and not working toward a happy and productive marriage. Instead of putting her focus on the Lord and her husband, she has turned her gaze inward. Although she may be unaware of her impact on the marriage, she may even influence her husband to put all his effort into pleasing her selfish desires and not focusing his heart on serving God. I have bad news for this whiny wife, the more her husband takes his focus off the Lord, the more poor decisions he will make, and her life will probably get worse rather than better.

Contrast the whiny woman with a happy thankful wife. She is an encouragement to her husband. Her joy brings her husband’s spirit high. Her joy is truly contagious. It is so hard to be around someone who is happy and not become happy yourself. As a wife you can be a joy, and share joy with your husband.

Better still is a woman who is joyful and submissive, one who is respectful and loving toward her husband. She will have the greatest positive influence, because she is following the command of the Lord. It’s when we start to do our own will that we get into trouble. While she is submitting to the Lord and her husband; she is showing him the respect he so desperately desires. By respecting her husband, she gives him the confidence he needs. She has that power to help her husband.

While we can (hopefully) agree that our influence matters, what are we to do about it? How can we actually put our influence to good work instead of bad? The most important thing we can do is pray. So many times we pray for the Lord to do quick fixes through out the day. I challenge you to pray thoughtfully, and using Scripture. The Lord promises to hear and answer our prayers. I believe strongly that if the Bible tells us to be submissive, loving wives, then it is His will for us. If it is His will for us, then I have confidence that He will answer your prayers for your marriage with a resounding “Yes!” Pray that the Lord will show you areas where you cause your husband to stumble. Pray that your life and attitude would be positive and Christ- honoring. Ask the Lord to make your spirit joyful. Right with praying comes reading the Word of God. Read His Word looking for truth. Read His Word diligently, and put into practice what it says. Commit the Word of the Lord to your heart. The Word is powerful and will encourage you in your life and marriage.

The only thing left to do is put into practice right living: encourage your husband, don’t complain about your life, kids, or friends, don’t second guess his decisions – respect them, be aware of your words and actions. When we pray, read, and then do, we will see the Lord work. I hope and pray whoever reads this is able to influence their husband for good and not evil

As the Lord gives Barak victory over the enemy, their “fearless” leader runs away. As his army is annihilated, he runs for cover. This tells us something about his poor leadership qualities. Real leaders stand with their people no matter what; they don’t run when there is trouble. It makes me think about my leadership duty to my children. Am I standing with them no matter the circumstance, or do I run away from problems and let them fend for themselves? Am I proactively leading them in the Truth of the Gospel, or waiting until problems arise and then trying to figure out an answer?

So as the sissy Sisera runs away, Jael sees him and calls out to him to come into her tent. She told him “Do not be afraid,” and since they were allies, he agrees to hide in her tent. Judges 5:25 says “
He asked water and she gave him milk; she brought him curds in a noble’s bowl.” She shows him honor by giving him milk. He trusts her and asks her to tell people that he is not there. He trusts her so much that he falls asleep under her rug and she sneaks over to him and drives a tent peg into his head with a hammer. She literally nailed him to the ground.

As Barak is pursuing Sisera, he passes by Jael’s tent and she stops him, and tells him that Sisera is in her tent. Barak then sees Sisera nailed to the ground, and sees the prophecy of Deborah fulfilled.

I don’t know how often I can be used of the Lord like Jael was. For you and I to be walking with the Spirit in such a way that we would have no fear of man is hard to imagine, yet is possible. If you feel the Lord calling you to do something, whether you are a man or a woman, we should be faithful to do it. Our fear of God should overcome our fear of man.

The first thing that comes to mind is that our good works identify us as God’s children to a lost and dying world. Matthew 5:16 says In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

It does not say that our light shines because of our personal devotions, giving, or prayer life; although these private things have a direct impact on our works. This passage is clear that our good works bring glory to the Father. What are the good works we can be doing? As the church and larger body of Christ, we can do larger-scale works to bring glory to God. Examples of such works would be: food drives, ministry to the homeless, prison ministry, teen mother ministry, school ministries, college ministries, the list is endless. As individuals we can do good works for our neighbors, or through one of these larger more organized activities. Christ ministered to physical needs during His earthly ministry. These miracles and other physical acts of kindness were done because of the deeper heart needs of the people with whom He came in contact.

As women, I believe we are specifically called to do good works. Timothy says that women who profess godliness should be adorned with good works. He also says that the widows in the church that will be cared for should be “well reported of good works”. Her works were the outward manifestation of her godly heart. In Proverbs 31 we see the Virtuous Woman lauded for her good works. It says nothing about her personal spiritual life, because her works show the abundance of her heart. Dorcas was known by her church because of the good work she did for the poor. Time and again women are known for their works and I think that is how a woman’s heart is revealed.

I also think based on Galatians 6 that we should place a priority on doing good for the household of faith. I think this is a principle throughout Scripture. If you cannot take care of your own how can you properly take care of others? I can assure you that I do not look at families who fight and argue all the time for advice on how to love and find peace. That wouldn’t make any sense. I think of the qualifications for a pastor, he has to be able to take care of his own family, in order to care for the church properly. In the same way, we should be doing good within the Body of Christ, and those good works should be so rich that we cannot help but do good for the world around us.

Good works show the transformation of the Gospel within our lives. Our works can reflect the love of Christ and shine the light on the goodness of God to work in spite of our flesh.

We find Deborah in the days when judges ruled Israel. After the death of Joshua the people of Israel turn to wickedness. They worship false gods and turn their back on God and His commandments. Consequently the Lord gives the people to foreign lands and nations because of their sin “Then the LORD raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them… Whenever the LORD raised up judges for them, the LORD was with the judge, and he saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge.” ( Judges 2:11-16)We see the Lord work through the judges He chose to use to answer the prayers of His people.

In Judges 4 we see the oppressive enemy of Israel, Jabin of Canaan. During this period, Deborah was the judge in Israel. The Bible tells us that she was a prophetess and that she was married to a man named Lappidoth. It is interesting to me that the Bible does not tell us what her husband did, or if he had any part in ministry or politics at all. This was her specific calling and task. I have read and heard other people state that the reason God used Deborah was because there weren’t any good men. That theory just does not hold water for me. If the Lord specifically chose whom to lift up as the leader, He could have given power to a man. God chose Deborah because He wanted her for this task.

As the story progresses, she sends for Barak. She is aware of what God has called him to do, yet he is hesitant and fearful. After all, Jabin and Sisera were cruel and evil enemies, it was natural to fear them. However, Barak’s faith in God was weak, and he makes a deal with Deborah that he will obey God if she will go with him. I’m convicted when I read this. I think I could have been like Barak; even though the Lord’s command to him was clear “Go, gather your men at Mount Tabor, taking 10,000 men from the tribes of Naphtali and Zebulun? And I will draw out Sisera, the general of Jabin’s army, to meet you at the river Kishon with his chariots and his multitude, and I will deliver him into your hand?” Even though the Lord had promised him victory he was still hesitant. It’s the same way for us today. The Lord has given us promises in His Word, and given us the Holy Spirit to guide us. Yet when His will is clear in our lives, we often let our flesh rule, and allow our fears to keep us from His plan.

Deborah agrees to go with Barak on the condition that Sisera will fall by the hand of a woman. So they go gather the 10,000 men and head to Mount Tabor. Here we see some more of Deborah’s personality coming through when she exclaims to Barak “Up! For this is the day in which the LORD has given Sisera into your hand. Does not the LORD go out before you?” She was the motivation behind Barak’s follow-through. Even though I’m not a ruler of anything, motivating others to a task is a job women commonly participate in. I cannot go to school for my son, learn to read for him, do his homework, or play with his friends, but I can motivate him to get busy! As mothers we cannot do the work for our kids, but we can go with them, and help them along the way.

Of course the Lord kept His promise to Barak, “And the LORD routed Sisera and all his chariots and all his army before Barak by the edge of the sword…and all the army of Sisera fell by the edge of the sword; not a man was left.” The Lord had the victory in this battle, and used Barak and Deborah to do His will.

What challenges are you facing today that seem overwhelming? Do you have an enemy who you feel is waiting to attack? If you are struggling with some pain or fear, look to the Lord for help. Read His Word, pray and live in His strength.

Maybe you are a Deborah, and you need to influence or motivate someone around you. When words of encouragement for someone are in your heart and mind, say them out loud. If the Lord has called you to encourage someone else in their task, do not fail to do His will.

The first glimpse we get of her relationship with her husband is when she gives him an idea of how to help Elisha. “And she said to her husband, Behold now, I know that this is a holy man of God who is continually passing our way. Let us make a small room on the roof with walls and put there for him a bed, a table, a chair, and a lamp, so that whenever he comes to us, he can go in there.” While I do not think she is demanding of her husband, I do not think she is asking for permission. I think it is fair to say that there is a large amount of trust built into their relationship. Makes me stop and think, have I built a relationship with my husband where he trusts my judgment on things.

I also see from this interaction that she is a woman of industry. She did not wait around for someone to tell her to make an apartment for Elisha. She had an idea and acted on it, and within the bounds of proper submission. She gave her husband the opportunity to discuss the idea with her before she acted. I think she is further proof that a woman can be incredibly industrious while maintaining a submissive spirit.

The story progresses and the Shunamite woman is given a son as a blessing from Elisha. She is hesitant at first because her husband is old, but the son is born and grows. Tragedy strikes, and the child dies. This is where we see the woman and her husband interact again.

The Shunamite woman puts her son in Elisha’s apartment and in verse 22-24 we see her conversation with her husband: “Then she called to her husband and said, “Send me one of the servants and one of the donkeys, that I may quickly go to the man of God and come back again.” And he said, “Why will you go to him today? It is neither new moon nor Sabbath.” She said, “All is well.” Once again she discusses her plan with her husband with confidence. This time however, he questions her. I’m sure he was curious why she would want to go see the Elisha when it wasn’t a day for church. I think it’s safe to infer that she regularly attended services or gatherings with Elisha. I’m sure her husband was curious as to why she was going, yet when she confidently tells him “all is well” he gets the donkey and servant and she leaves to find Elisha. Once again we see that her husband’s heart does “safely trust in her”. The story does have a happy ending, and the son is brought back to life by God through Elisha.

There are many truths to be gained from this story, but when I just focus on her relationship with her husband I am convicted. I’ll add the caveat that some husbands are not so accommodating, but I wonder if even that could be helped by a wife with a good heart attitude. To me, the open and trusting relationship we see in this passage is one that was built over time. I’m sure her husband trusted in her more and more over the years. I think it is obvious that he trusted her discernment when it came to spiritual and financial matters.

As women today I wonder how we can be more like this woman. I think one way we can start is with prayer, and asking the Lord to give us good discernment. Prayer that the Lord would give us wisdom in discussing all areas of life with our husbands. Prayer that the Lord would give us the respect we should have when speaking to our husbands. I also think we can start by respectfully discussing issues with our husbands before we act on our ideas. This not only displays our respect but it also builds trust into the relationship.

I’m hoping as women we can work toward the Shunamite woman’s shining example.

The message that her pastor gave at her funeral really spoke to my heart. He compared her to the virtuous woman, and while I’m sure she would tell you that she wasn’t virtuous, her life lined up with that passage perfectly. I don’t think this was probably recognized in her day to day life, but the daily decisions she made added up to a virtuous legacy. She would not take credit for her work, but would give credit to the grace of God. I think that’s they way it is for most Christians. Most of us will never be powerful leaders in the Christian world, many of us won’t be in full time Christian work, but we still have the same opportunity to have an indisputable reputation as a child of God. Our life’s testimony is measured by our love of the Lord and our faithfulness to Him. It became so clear to me that her spiritual stature was not because of one amazing deed, but the culmination of small choices to live her life for the Lord.

One example that came to mind was my Grandma’s work ethic. In her lifetime she worked for the war effort, owned her own beauty parlor, volunteered as a pink lady at the hospital, and dedicated countless hours to her church family. Her reputation was solidified by years of hard work. Her daily choice to be faithful in the use of her time added up to a reputation of faithfulness.

When I think of her it makes me evaluate my own life. Am I building a life that will be remembered for good and not evil? Am I faithful in the small things? Those seemingly small choices to do good and be faithful create a successful Christian life in the eyes of God.

I am thankful for a Grandma who not only told me how to live a righteous life, but showed me by her example. While I am very sad for me, I am happy for her. She is enjoying the eternal rewards of a life well lived by the grace of God.